Very few people we encounter each day really want to hear the truth. When you pass by a colleague and he or she casually asks, “How are you?” the generic responses are “great”, “not bad…and yourself?”, or “doing well”. Oh how I want to respond with, “All I can think about is pain and how bad it hurts to carry this envelope because my fingers can’t grip the paper without utter pain shooting through me. It took me over two hours to get ready for work today because my joints would not allow my legs, arms, and hips to move properly.” That sort of response would take people by surprise and probably not go over very well. Soon I’d be seen as that depressing woman in pain who is always negative. So I hide it. And sometimes hiding it buries me.
It is hard to be positive and uplifting all of the time when you have chronic pain. I was hard on myself on days when I failed to keep up my show face but now I’m beginning to see things differently. For the co-workers who know you have a painful inflammatory arthritis such as Rheumatoid Arthritis as I have, there really should be a level of understanding and openness. I should be able to say, “Today is a rough day for me. I’m have a long-lasting flare up” without feeling guilty. At the same time I have to remind myself that my illness is invisible to others and since I don’t wear a shirt that says I HAVE AN INCREDIBLY PAINFUL AUTOIMMUNE DISEASE, it is natural for others to not understand if I appear uncomfortable or not as happy as usual…or maybe as happy and positive as they feel I should be all of the time. On the other hand, if people you see every day know that you have a disease that brings chronic pain and they knowingly ignore it and worse yet, they downplay its impact on your life, they aren’t worth your time.
I will try to surround myself with those who inspire and lift me up rather than bring me down.