Undoubtedly the most important decision I will make tomorrow will be to get out of bed and start my routine to get to work. Tomorrow is a Monday and yes, many people have a hard time on a Monday getting back in gear for the work week. Every day is a tough battle with my body to do what my mind tells it to do. I have Rheumatoid Arthritis. Every night I wake up a few times during the night in pain. Despite straightening my hands out before going to sleep, they will curl up in the night and my elbows will bend, which may sound peaceful all curled up, but pain radiates from my elbow to the tips of my fingers. I often wear braces on my arms at night but they help minimally. Many nights are like last night where I force myself to get out of bed and take a pain pill to get back to sleep. It takes enormous inner strength to get myself up and hobble to the bathroom, grabbing walls and furniture so I won’t fall. If I don’t take medicine and get back to sleep, my day will be ridiculously difficult. I won’t be able to walk without grabbing walls and furniture and that’s just not an image I want to have at my workplace. If I can get back to sleep for a couple hours before my alarm goes off at 5:30, I’ll have a much better chance of pushing the gas pedal on the car, grasping the steering wheel with less pain and most importantly, hiding my RA symptoms when I get to work at 8:00.
The sound of the 5:30 alarm generates a reckless bat at the snooze button. Twice. Maybe three or four times. With every push of the snooze button, I stretch my fingers to undo the damage their curling did during the night. I stretch my toes and ankles and bend my legs. I stretch for at least 30 minutes. As pain is radiating through my elbows, feet, neck, and spine, I often think to myself how awful this disease is and I know that this is my daily routine. I am not having a bad flare. This has become my new normal. Sometimes I entertain myself as I’m stretching imagining that I had climbed a mountain yesterday or painted an entire house inside and out or rowed a boat on a championship rowing team all day. Surely I must have endured some incredibly exhaustive activity in order to feel this way! I actually have the most effective combination of meds and optimum diet than I have ever had and yet, this is how I feel every single morning. Will I ever get to remission?
It’s easy to decide to rest more and hit the snooze button again and again. The idea of moving seems crazy. It just hurts too much. The decision to finally push my body out of bed and get into the shower is the most difficult one I will make each day. The warm shower is necessary to soothe my aching joints, tendons, and muscles. If I can just make it to the shower and be able to pull the faucet to turn it on, I will make it to work on time and have a decent day.
There will be no challenging zippers or buttons any morning. My wardrobe has changed based on the difficulty level of putting on the item in the early morning. Yes, I wear pull-on pants some days. My shoes are purchased based on comfort, not style, but I do try to find a pair with both attributes. If I get my shoes on, I’m ready to get the rest of my day on, too. Now it will be smooth sailing. There will be no greater feat than the one I just accomplished to get myself out the door and on time, too.
If you have RA or another chronic illness, you understand this. If you don’t have chronic pain, appreciate every day that you can jump out of bed and get ready for your day. If you see someone walking slowly in front of you on the street, have compassion and resist sidewalk rage. You never know what mountain that person just climbed.
I write about my struggles to bring awareness for Rheumatoid Arthritis which has no cure. I didn’t get acquainted with RA until I was 40 and it hit me like a ton of bricks. Many people have chronic pain so find kindness in your heart and share it.